The Shredder

So in preparing for bikini season 2013 (ha!), I’ve spent the past 6 months really hardcore working on my fitness. I’ve worked with a trainer, started running, done exercise classes and really put myself out there trying to get to a point where I felt like I was in better shape.

I thought I was doing a really great job. I spent my Friday evening walking Grandview with E. On Saturday (even though I almost died of dehydration and hunger) I walked the 8 mile round trip from my neighborhood to downtown Columbus with E.

I was confident. And then I met The Shredder….

Columbus Commons, the newest green space in downtown, offers free bootcamp, kickboxing, CrossFit, yoga and Zumba throughout the summer. I got really excited last week and signed up for every class. The first class, bootcamp, met tonight after work. The new HQ intern and I decided we’d go together, so we showed up (nervous, of course) to see what bootcamp entailed.

We were met with the very in shape, nice looking trainer (who was literally Mark Sloane in the flesh). The Shredder wasted no time. His first words to us: “You see the sidewalk that borders this park? Yep, we’ll call that a lap. Now everybody run one. Quick, or I’ll release the dogs.” And so we did. I was so proud the whole way through my lap that I wasn’t at the back of the pack that I failed to notice that The Shredder had already begun lining up those who finished first. They were doing high kicks across the park. (At this point I’m a little short of breath, but still feeling confident in my abilities.) Annnd so I begin my high kicks across the football field-sized park. About halfway through, The Shredder gets bored and has my line sprint to the opposite side. Now I’m struggling just a bit. He has us quickly line up and we begin what he calls “the warm-up.” I have to admit that I’m a little confused at this point, because I thought we had already warmed up…

We proceed to do squats, lunges, push ups, burpees and the like. Out of 300 people, The Shredder notices that my squats aren’t low enough (‘scuze me) and comes over to push me lower to the ground. So now I’m visibly struggling. The Shredder proclaims that we are finished with our warm up and can move on to the actual exercises. He has us do squats at one side of the park, sprint to the other side, do burpees, and sprint back. This cycle counts as one point. He yelled at us to “run faster or I’ll release the dogs!” I channelled Cato in The Hunger Games…I fought hard for a minute, but in the end, I certainly would have been eaten by the dogs.

I wasn’t even embarrassed that I stopped to get water and only racked up two whole points tonight. See you next week, Shredder.

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